Cloister Cemetery in the Snow, Caspar David Friedrich

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Prayer

I have been unfaithful to this discipline. I hope it is something I can pick up again as we transition.

Transition. Three syllables which envelop joy, grief, growth, and pain. It is relief and suffering. And it is where my wife and I find ourselves now.

Hillary's mothers was diagnosed with brain cancer October 31, 2009. She was given four to six months to live. By God's grace she remains with us. She lost use of her left side and continues to weaken, but she will still call us by name. We know, though, that she is not long for this world. Sooner rather than later she will join her own mother in the arms of our Jesus.

At the same time, I am preparing for a new appointment. While I enjoyed the students at the Wesley House, it is not the ministry for which I was made. Resumes and cover letters have been scattered hither and yon. I have interviewed with the people of Saint Joseph Island Free Methodist and am filing for appointments in the East Michigan and North Central conferences of the Free Methodist Church.

Change is not something we do well. As people we enjoy our sense of control. We take courses in leadership training to expand that sphere of influence over others. We manage our time, our resources, even the people we love. Change is often difficult because we lack that control. We come face to face with our inability, our finitude. We discover just how much we allowed the illusion of our control to blind us.

In truth we are held together only by the grace of God. We breathe in his air. We are fed by his hand. We have nothing that is not his gift to us. We cannot even exchange our lives for his blessing, because our lives already belong to him.

And so my prayer these past weeks: Lord, I believe. Help my disbelief.

Lord, I know and trust you. Help alleviate the doubt which sometimes threatens my rest in you.

In all things, you are holy. And in all things you will seek my redemption.

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